in other news, my van broke down again.
it feels like it's only been a few months since my last hideously expensive repair... oh, that's because it was.

Liiiife.

Basically, I've been working. Pulling in a good chunk of overtime, which is nice when the paycheck rolls around... until I do the math and realize I'm only making $5.75 more an hour than usual, for twice as much agonizing work. Ugggh. Overall, my dissatisfaction is at an all time high, and the only thing keeping me from losing my mind is my Dad's wisdom; "That sucks balls, but at least you have a stable, paying job, and aren't worried where your rent money will come from". Not his exact words (my Da is much more eloquent), but the basic point. And he's right. I sometimes let my aggravation get in the way of the fact that I am pretttty lucky to be employed at all right now.

I'm working on investing in some equipment that will get my more artistic career on the up and up - can't write too much about it yet, but I'll keep you guys posted. :D

Other than that, I've been sewing my winter coat... but it's kind of hard to get motivated when it's December and FIFTY FIVE DEGREES. Needless to say, I'm glad I went with the silk lining rather than the faux fur.

Books-wise, I have recently plowed through the first six books (dfjhg) of the Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind, just finished the Dark Tower series (Stephen King, if it needed mentioning), have restarted Harry Potter for the - uh - like eleventh time, just finished Son of a Witch and need the next (side note - going to see Wicked in two weeks :D :D), picked up "The Magicians" by Lev Grossman (would recommend it to anyone who needs a page turner), and am about to start in on "Dune" again... and yet I STILL can't make it through "Johnathan Strangs & Mr. Norell". :| It's also daunting to know that I still have another six books left before I finish Sword of Truth. God, Terry, you creepy Voldemort-with-facial-hair. We realize you wish you were Richard, etc, but did you have to write TWELVE 600+ page tomes?

Speaking of, Craig and I started watching "Legend of the Seeker" which is 'based' on said series. I manage pretty well with the inconsistencies in Harry Peepneeps films, but dayum. I'm not gonna say "don't watch the show if you've read the books, because you'll throw up", but seriously. Unless you can ignore what you read nearly entirely, don't bother. Craig, not a big reader, hasn't started in on the books, and he really enjoys the show. I can get over it... sometimes. Literally, though, they kinda took the characters and the "goal" of the first book, and then did whatever they wanted. Zedd is a "crazy old man" instead of having practically raised Richard, Kahlan (they pronounce it 'Kaylin' - thoughts?) doesn't start off as Mother Confessor, OTHER CONFESSORS ARE STILL ALIVE, Shota is not nearly as terrifying, people who've been confessed are pretty much themselves + loyalty instead of mindless zombie drones, etc etc etc etc etc. They haven't even mentioned the way the sword works, the anger issues, or the "other way" Richard learned how to use it to defeat Denna. Also, did I mention Denna is BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE and also RICHARD HAS A LONG LOST SISTER (who I just realized is a legitimate character from book seven, HAHAHAHA. God.)

WHAT

WHAT

WHAT.

Seriously. If you can't just enjoy it for being trash fantasy television, avoid it. Otherwise, as trash, it is good trash. Also, the fighting is GREAT. Very well choreographed. And the actors for Richard and Kahlan are really hot. ¬.¬

Uh, also, GLEE.
zkjxfhgskgfhj
the end.

Hey Matt,

When you were first diagnosed with leukemia, I don't think any of us really let it set in. We knew it was serious, and I'm sure we were all concerned, but we were also pretty sure that you'd recover and everything would go back to normal. We all fully expected you to go on to be ridiculously famous, but keep your cool head and give us tons of money in the process. I don't think we ever really let it set it and make us sad, even to the end, which I think is what you wanted.

I'm sorry I'm sad, now.

no cut, because it's my art on someone else's skin, and that's just fucking thrilling to me.

bitches!




i hope she gets it colored, but still. fuck yeah lineart.

• 20:50 @ceejerk Cali inspector? - Is that common practice, now? - Cali's a country? #
• 20:51 Just realized that Craig - Gets my twitter to his phone - Annoying him now :D #

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• 22:09 @ceejerk I fucking miss you - I cuddle with Peeg at night - I want to move NOW. #

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After feeling guilty about using Craig's computer for the past, umm... five months, I've decided it's time to start looking into getting a new computer for myself.

I currently have a 17" display iMac G4 (the 'hub' with pivoting screen model iMac, for those not 100% Mac savvy) which... runs... okay. She's really, painfully slow, and sometimes the lag is so bad on programs I'm trying to run that I just wanna scream. (i.e. I can't use Painter, Dreamweaver, or Photoshop, which are pretty much the only programs I use anyway). Otherwise, she's in pretty good shape. I figure I could get about $150 if I sold her.. which is really painful, considering I saved my money for two years to drop the $1700 she cost me. :| Of course, that was six years ago.

ANYWAY.

After doing some poking around, I'm pretty sure I want to try to get a Macbook - just the standard 13" (it goes for $999).

So now I just have to find $999.

:|

Does anyone want to give me $999 for sex?

"This has been in the works for a while now, folks, and it's early days yet, but the first three Nightrunner books have been optioned for movies by C-Squared Pictures. The script for Luck is in the writing process at the moment. I'm not in charge of that, but the writer/director, Charlie Spickler, has been gracious enough to ask for my input, and I'm in New York meeting with him this week. That's all the details I can give you for the moment.

How 'bout that? :-)"

-Lynn Flewelling, author of one of my favorite book series of all time.




...

*shits pants*

And in other news, now that I've got that out.

So, here's the thing. I'm really happy about a lot of things in my life right now. First and foremost, obviously, I've been with Craig for over a year now, and I'm pretty thrilled with things. We just got a new place with a room mate upgrade, which is nice (as opposed to living with the room mate from Hell [not Paul, he's awesome, the other one]). I have a full time job, stable, etc, hate it but it pays (poorly, but enough to keep me relatively afloat). I'm rekindling a few lost connections that were the core of most of my depression over the past year...

I guess that's why my brain decided to go with something ELSE to be depressed over. XD

So this is why I hate everything right now:

I SUCK. That's how I feel every time I pick up a dang pencil or a paintbrush. I feel like a highschooler. I hate everything creative that comes out of me. I know I have the potential to be good at something, I just fuck it up every time. And I'm so fucking sick of that. I was taking classes at CCRI, and then I got behind, got scared, and ran from them. They're paid for, in the past, whatever. No worries, except that I let myself down. Then I went to Gibbs for three/four semesters. Got behind almost before graduating. Ran away. Flunked out. Haven't paid my student loans. Weeks, maybe days away from defaulting on my student loans. No money to pay the loans. They won't accept my deferral requests because it's been too long/I make just enough money. Same with forbearance. Essentially, not only did I fuck up technical school, I also fucked up my chances of ever getting into college ever again.

Some people, like Craig or Amy for example, have shit tons of natural talent that just oozes from them. Other people need to learn - they may have the potential to become something, but need a little persuasion to realize that potential. I feel like I have this wealth of creativity inside me that I want nothing more than to tap into, but I don't have the skills. I need to learn that, and I fucked up every chance I had.

It seems like every day lately I hate more and more what I've become. I used to tell myself, "some people do fine without college, some people don't need it". And that's fine. But I'm not one of those people. I'm not okay working 1-10 every day making $11 an hour selling crap to crappy people, taking crap from crappy people and trying to clean crap up to impress crappy people that think their crap is fucking gold. I fucking hate it.

I really, really want to go to art school, and it really hurts to realize that I probably never will.

Wow.

I can't remember what kept me from watching Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog until now, but whatever it was I now hate it.

Fucking A.

That show was incredible. Deserves every award it won. Had me at every second. Laughed a lot. Almost cried.

Seriously guys, if you haven't seen it, ask yourselves why. It's free on Hulu. It's forty-five minutes of incredible. Just goooooo.

Hey all you technologically savvy folks:

I'd really like to use this layout for my journal, and the creator alludes that this is possible, but is reluctant to say how or point in the direction of a tutorial that may say how.

Does anyone know how to go about doing this?

It's a free layout (durr) and so all the html files are available for download, I pretty much just need to know what code to put where in my overrides section... if that's the way to go about it. HRM.

Any help will be rewarded with cookies or art??

So I'm Twenty-Three now.

For the longest time, I never liked my birthday. It seemed like every year was a new problem - something would arise RIGHT on the day and make a huge mess. It was almost bizarre. I grew to dislike the day, and didn't look forward to it.

A few years ago, some pretty important people changed that.

CJ, JJ, Amy, Erica... you all made such a big effort to turn my luck around and show me a good birthday. I haven't had a bad one since. It's always been a day where I can reflect on the past year and smile that I have such good people in my life.

This year's a little different. I've grown up a lot in these past 12 months. I've run into a lot of problems, caused a lot of problems, hit a lot of messy situations and had to make some really difficult decisions. I've lost or wounded relationships I thought were rock solid. Maybe it wasn't just me, maybe it was. I've found happier times than I've ever had and more nights crying than I've ever had. I've found a path I want to walk. I've found the life I want to lead. I've found myself somewhere in the mix, and have accomplished something I thought I never, ever would; I trust who I am, and I'm happy with myself. But I'm not happy with how I got here.

It's my most sincere wish that for the next year of my life, I can learn to reach out and repair anything I've broken on my way here. That we all can put things behind us and move forward. I don't really believe that anyone wants to be unhappy; I certainly don't. There are a few things I need to work at, sure, but who can't say that?

My cell phone is still not turning on, and I don't understand it... I'm about ready to say fuck it and throw it away, just get a new one. We'll see how money is this month. In the mean time, I'm going to start getting in touch with people any way I can - on my nights free, on my days off, whenever. I don't want to go through this life with only one person by my side. I want to rekindle what we had. I want it desperately.

http://apps.facebook.com/causes/birthdays/125297?m=e0bc6388

♥

okay, so this was my tenth otakon... and i can't decide whether that's lame or awesome. but, i've been wanting to jot a little bit out about my weekend, and as this is the first chance i've had to sit and write, here goes.

i'm glad to say the con's come a long way from "CHAIR" and actually getting physically 'glomped' by smelly fanboys/girls for wearing a costume. things are a lot more mainstream than they were in my day (oh my god i feel old), and in a way that's good. skit quality has improved, there are less mouthbreathers, and your chances of meeting someone actually worth knowing have greatly increased.

what to say about this year? well, fuck, first of all, everyone i stayed with was INCREDIBLE. seriously, i don't think i could have asked for luck to throw me in a better room. you guys rock, and i love you all.

let's see... the drive down was pretty great. after sitting in a town fair tire for three hours so that our tires wouldn't erupt on the highway, it really only took us about six hours. we didn't hit new york OR turnpike traffic, which was fantastic, and when i almost got lost in baltimore my AMAZING VIKING INSTINCTS took over and i landed us right in front of the hotel. ballin'. even standing in line thursday night wasn't terrible. it was a bit cooler because the sun wasn't beating down on us, and since we preregistered it only took a few hours.

met a lot of cool people and ran into a lot of previously met cool people. always good.

if i can say one thing, though, about otakon; it has really lit a fire under my cosplayin' ass. actually getting out there in a costume after such a long dry spell of no cosplay or ghetto cosplay really made me remember how much i fucking love it. i'm really gonna challenge myself with the next few costumes i'm doing, so i'm starting in like... a month.

harharhar.

yeah pretty much.



(XD thanks lauren for the shot)

more and more each day, especially at work, i'm beginning to see just how easy it is for people to turn someone into 'the bad guy'. blame every little thing on one person, or even just trash them because you can. because it's easy. but i'm seeing what's behind the eyes of the scapegoat, of the 'asshole', of the one taking the fall - and it hurts. it's pure pain. would it be so easy if other's saw that, too? the complete hurt of someone who knows that no one is beside them? that even at that moment, someone is probably saying, "that guy's such an asshole, he did so much terrible shit... he deserves worse than what he has now". seeing that each day... it makes me sick. i think i can safely say that nothing is ever so one-sided as THIS PERSON IS GOOD and THIS PERSON IS AN ASSHOLE. certainly, people make mistakes in their lives, and certainly there are people who react in ways that are generally dick-ish, but no one is pure asshole. everyone has fucking feelings. how can we all so easily forget that? everyone fucking hurts, and i don't care who you are, no one has the right to 'justly' hurt someone else. little things, little jabs, little nicks and cuts, little betrayals, little wounds - these all add up. i'm seeing the result. fuck. sometimes i just want to scream and beat my fists against my chest and break electronics in a fit of rage for how shitty we can treat each other sometimes. and what does it fucking accomplish? do you feel righteous? do you feel fulfilled, beating another person into the ground?

i don't even know where i'm going with this, really. i just wish we'd think about how we were making others feel with our actions, sometimes. think about the fucking consequences. think about the human being. being isolated, being hated... these things can be worse than death. just fucking think about it.

Hi!


Anyone AWESOME have room space at Otakon for two (maybe three) hilarious yet unassuming, neat + tidy, charismatic fellows to crash arriving Thursday - leaving Sunday?



:D

?

in need of some sewing advice!

i had originally planned on making a circle skirt as the skirt for my mars fuku, as pleating wouldn't allow me to get the V shape i wanted without it getting wonky. but... the more i stare at my references, the more i convince myself that this is a costume that is really meant to be pleated... what do you all think? suck it up and pleat it? is there a way to keep that great 'ice skating costume' kind of shape to it and not fuck up my pleats? or will the circle skirt emulate it just as nicely? i'm using a low-stretch satin.

thankyouuuuu!

Hello, world! I realize it's been quite some time since I've had an actual entry here... wow. So, here goes! First, this is what my week usually looks like recently:

SUNDAY: Work at LameStop 10am-7pm
     Home @ around 7:30, dick around, sleep.
MONDAY: Up @ 10am, work out, eat something around 12
     Work @ LameStop from 1pm-10pm
     Home, read a little, sleep.
TUESDAY: Up @ 10am, work out
     Work @ BambuTattoo from 11:30ish-9ish
     Home, dick around, sleep.
WEDNESDAY: Up @ 10am, work out, eat something around 12
     Work @ LameStop from 1pm-10pm
     Home, dick around, sleep.
THURSDAY: Up @ 10am
     Work @ BambuTattoo from 11:30ish-9ish
     Home, dick around, sleep.
FRIDAY: Up @ 10am, work out, eat something around 12
     Work @ LameStop from 1pm-10pm
     Home, dick around, sleep.
SATURDAY: Up @ 10am, work out, eat something around 12
     Work @ LameStop from 1pm-10pm
     Home, dick around, sleep.

Sooooo yeah. I pretty much see NO ONE except my co-workers, people who come into the tattoo studio, and that guy who sleeps in my bed. The good news is, I'm almost constantly busy, which keeps me active and distracted - so I don't always think about how LAME this whole always working thing is. The stress is INTENSE, though, so I took TWO WHOLE PERSONAL DAYS this week. Today is one of them. Holy shit, I got up, worked out, actually paid a little attention to my personal appearance, and have been watching TopChef and dicking around on the interbutts ALL DAY. When that guy who sleeps in my bed gets home in a few we're going to THE POOL his insanely well off grandparents have in their backyard. Awesome.

Other news!

I'm on this killer diet and exercise kick, and even though I haven't lost much (just a lot of poop weight - seriously, like the first two days I lost four pounds that definitely wasn't any fat or anything) I feel physically AWESOME. I love the 'burn proves it's working' feeling that tells me I'm using my muscles properly instead of sitting around on the couch like an American. I have more energy, my SKIN is better from drinking so much water... it rocks. I actually have a good chunk of weight I want to lose (I weigh anywhere from 135-140 right now, which is an all time high and was kind of a shock at my physical - I want to get to 115-120, where I was in high school) so I have GOALS and stuff. Sometimes I think about it and get a little weirded out that I'm turning into this legitimate human and stuff... but then I realize that I'm still ridiculous, I just want to be HEALTHY for once.

I SHALL BE GOING TO OTAKON.
Speaking of not being a legit human.

I will be making a Sailor Mars costume... KAYLA - I want to match your Venus but I definitely don't want to do Eternal... too much fluff... LET ME KNOW WHAT VERSION YOU WANNA DO.
I might also do a few others. Hm. Not 100% sure what yet, but I want this to be a 'full' con like I used to have. Those were ballin'. Let me know what you guys are doing!!!! Cosplay is best in groups!

What else, what else...
OH ALSO

My friend Jessie has this really great project that she asked if I'd spread around.


http://rescuemeow.wordpress.com/
http://rescuemeow.wordpress.com/
http://rescuemeow.wordpress.com/


Seriously, guys. This just shoots me right back to the time I spent with Constantine, which were some of the best days I've had. Jessie, I'm gonna see if Craig will post this on all the Forevergirl sites, too. Forevergirl loves pets. ;_;



OKAY GUYS THAT'S ALL FOR NOW. I'll be updating a lot more consistently to keep up with the diet and stuff... and love..... KBYE.

• 16:33 One hour is left. I am so fucking sleepy. Gamestop nap haiku. #

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